Rafter Fiction: Failed Investigations

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the penultimate story, “Failed Investigations.” Buy it here

1.
Barry had no way of covering up all of the bruises. They were across his neck, down his arms, and his left cheek was a deep purple bruise that could be mistaken for a large birthmark, one that someone would assume had changed the way he lived his life because to live with such a purple splotch on his cheek would give a childhood filled with teasing and ridicule, maybe as an adult finding some strength to overcome the bullies, pointers, and whisperers but not likely. He wore a long sleeved shirt to the office, and some of the bruising on his neck was covered with a collar, but his face was out for all to see. His only strategy to get through the work day was to ignore everyone.

“Dude. What the fuck happened to you?”

This was less than a minute through the doors of the office building, before he was even to his desk or he had his lunch in the fridge or his bag stuffed into the empty filing cabinet he kept empty for this purpose. He turned toward the voice, knew it was Heath, and knew he was kind of a douche but someone enough to tell him he was not envisioning all of it.

“I don’t know,” he said.

Heath said, “Seriously. It looks like you got fucked up in a fight. Hey Henry! Come take a look at this.”

Henry was some he did not talk to, someone who had been in the office forever, did crosswords most of the day, and completed them with ease. He wheeled his chair so that he could see around the cubicle. “Damn, man. Does it hurt?”
Barry touched the large bruise on his face. “When I press on it it’s kind of tender, but not really.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I woke up this way.” Barry rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, showing him the little quarter sized bruises all over his arms. “I have these too.”

“Shit,” Heath said. “That’s crazy. You should go to the ER.”

“That’s what I’d do,” Henry said.

“I don’t know. It’s just one of those things.”

“I’m pretty sure the boss wouldn’t want you working this way anyway.”

2.
While Barry took the subway to the emergency room, he received a few stares but most of the late morning riders minded their own business. He thought of some cool stories that he could tell the ER doctor, that he was really a superhero at night, like Batman, trying to cut down the crime in the city and ran into a really nasty fight.  Or he was attacked in his sleep by ghosts. Or he had found a mage in the mountains that had cracked the door to a new dimension and he fought and clawed his way back to his bed this morning. Or he attended a secret fight club, but if there was a secret fight club, he would not be able to talk about it and his bruising would have more swelling and redness. These bruises were more old like a dark wine that he spilled all over himself. Maybe this was what happened. He could tell the ER doctor that he was really out with a woman last night, a woman named Candice that did not go by Candy because Candy was the name of a stripper where as Candice was the name of a film maker. They were drinking wine off of each other’s bodies and it stained, but for work, he was coming to the ER so that he can tell them he was not contagious. He was in fact just in a very loving relationship and Candice liked to do some “Last Tango in Paris” type stuff and pretend that they were in the movies.
The longer he waited in the ER waiting room for the doctor to call him back, the more he started to worry that it might be something serious. He checked his phone for new emails and text messages, but he could not force himself to do an internet search for unexplained bruising. He waited for twenty, then thirty minutes, and grew more and more nervous. What if he had to tell them everything that he had been doing, everywhere he had been in the last few months? He could not really remember it all because had traveled quite a bit for work. He might have picked up some exotic virus in the Caribbean or a parasite from sushi in Japan. He could tell them he had been in both places in the passed few months, even though none of this was true. The reality was that he spent most of his time between work, his couch, his bed, and sometimes the bar down the street where he played a game or two of pool for beers. He had not went to the bar for a few weeks, but that was the most exotic place he had traveled in years.

The nurse called him back, took his vital signs, asked him the problems he was experiencing, had him take off his shirt and pants so that she could inspect all of the visible bruises, asked him again about how these things might have happened, and he told her the truth. “I woke up this way.”

She said, “The doctor will be in shortly.”

The doctor came in ten minutes later, asked him about the problems he was experiencing, looked all over his skin, and Barry thought she might have been counting the bruises for a minute the way that she was slowly looking over the body. She finally said, “You woke up this way?”

“Yes. Just this morning.”

She touched his chin and lifted it so that she could see his neck. “No tossing and turning? No vivid dreams? Nothing like that?”

He thought of telling her about an alien abduction, but seeing the serious look on across her brow changed his mind. “No.”

“And no fighting? No blood thinning medications?”

“None at all. “What could it be?”

“Well it could be a lot of things. It could be that your blood isn’t clotting like it should. It could be a disease. This could be a sign of leukemia as well as a sign of scurvy. We will start marking things off the list with some blood draws before we make any predictions.”
The word leukemia was a little off putting, and he wanted to make up a story on the spot, tell her anything to make it not leukemia, but he said, “But you don’t know.”

“No,” she said with a calm smile. “But I can start my investigation.”

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Rafter Fiction: Wishing That Your Family Was Intact

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is track #15, “Wishing That Your Family Was Intact.” Buy it here

Ed Taylor parked his truck two blocks away from his daughter and son-in-law’s house. The truck was old, rusted and rattled, so he did not want to be too close to the house when he turned the motor and hightailed it out of town. He turned off the engine and waited for the night to come.

His plan was to approach the house through the back yard. There was more cover from trees and less lighting, and his grandchildren had their room in the back of the house, a room that melted in the summer because it shared a wall with the laundry room, a room with all of the holes where mice squeeze in to escape the cold. Ed told Greg, his son-in-law, that he needed to take pride in his house and fix some problems to make it safer for his children, but Greg shrugged him off. Greg was always doing this. When he was kicked out of the house last time for fighting with Greg, Samantha, his own flesh and blood daughter called. “Dad. I don’t think you should come over anymore.”

The words sounded like poison. “Then what about my grandkids?”

“They will be fine.”

During that visit, he knew there was something more to the dynamic, more to the neglect. When Samantha told him he could not see them anymore, he finally had enough nerve, or maybe rage, to ask. “What the hell are you guys doing? Are you guys smoking that shit again?”

He flicked a cigarette butt out of the window and waited for twilight. The thought of them being into crystal meth again left a bad taste in his mouth. After Samantha’s last stint in rehab and Greg in jail, he swore to his wife that those kids needed to come first no matter what. “We might not have the money for them, but God will provide.”

His wife shook her head. She did not have much to say about the entire situation, but Ed knew she agreed with him. She hated that she took care of them for months while her daughter getting clean. She whispered to him late at night that she hoped they would not try to pick them up when they were cleared to get them, and she cried when they were taken back home. He hated the hurt she felt, but there was not anything they could do but wait.

Last night was the night that all of their patience came to fruition. After a week of silence, Samantha called him. “Dad. Can we get some food? The kids are hungry and we don’t have anything.” Ed loaded up $200 worth of groceries on his credit card and drove it over to their house. As soon as he stepped inside, he knew they were getting high again. They did not even try to hide all of their pipes and paraphernalia. “What the fuck?” he said to Samantha.

“We don’t need your judgement.”

He tried to find a clean enough surface in the kitchen to sit the groceries and ended up putting them on top of a stack of unopened mail. Greggy and Ariel ran up to him, each hugging a leg. “You puppies hungry?” he asked.

“Yes,” Ariel said.

“Woof,” Greggy said.

“You’re mom can make you something.” Samantha stumbled into the kitchen. Her eyes were so glazed and dead that she probably forgot why he was even there. “Or I can make you something before I leave.”

Ed got out and slammed the truck door. He grabbed the two sleeping bags out of the truck bed and started to sneak through the streets. He hoped that the kids would remember what Grandpa told them, the instructions that he gave while they were eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he made them and their parents were in their own bedroom doing God knows what. “I’ll come back and get you tomorrow. Leave your window open and you can jump out.”

“But I don’t want to get hurt,” Ariel said. She was always the most cautious child.

“I’ll bring sleeping bags to land on.” He heard sounds in the next room, and they all looked through the doorway. Samantha emerged, her hair looking as if it has not been washed in sixteen years, a matted mess on the top of her head. She had been losing too much weight. She had scabs and sores all over her face and hands. Ed was so mad at her that he could not say anything. He walked toward the front door. “You need help,” he said to her when he walked passed.

“I know what I’m doing, Dad.”

The street lights were on but the bulbs were broken out in the alley behind their house. He cut across the treeline and crept through the back yard. The place was sad and neglected. A broken kid’s pool lay in the unkempt bushes. Weeds and grass were so high that there were other toys completely swallowed up by the growth. He sneaked toward the window. It was open, and he saw two little heads peek over the window sill. He stood underneath it, and he opened up the first sleeping bag. “Jump in,” he said.

“Okay,” Greggy said. He climbed out and leaped. Ed caught him in the sleeping bag.

“Cover up and hide.” He opened up the second bag, and told Ariel, “Okay, sister. It’s your turn.” She heard something inside that made her turn her head. “Hurry,” Ed said. Ariel jumped and landed in the second bag. He lifted the bag up over her head and grabbed the opening. He did the same with Greggy’s bag.

He turned to run out of the yard when he heard his daughter’s voice yelling, “Greggy. Ariel.” He skipped the alley and ran through backyards. He was out of shape from age and smoking, but even when he heard the back door slam and his daughter’s voice more higher pitched, more frantic, yelling for her children, over and over, he did not stop. He ran faster than he knew possible. He made it to his truck, threw the sleeping bag with his grand kids in them into the truck bed, and the engine fired up. Ed was out of the neighborhood within minutes. He looked at the bed of his truck, and his two grand kids were uncovered, sitting and looking into the cab of the truck. Greggy asked, “Are we free now?”
“I don’t know,” Ed said. “At least for the moment.”

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Rafter Fiction: Izzy Bizzy

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the track, “Izzy Bizzy.” Buy it here

Some of the things about moving to a new neighborhood are good, like the prospect of meeting new friends, like having a new start, like nobody knowing about my mom and dad, like nobody knowing the way they fight, like how my dad says he is done drinking, and like how this was going to be the new start that our family needs even if my mom is always skeptical of this proclamation and always asked my opinion on the subject, and my only answer is that my only job is to adjust and adapt.

I do not like my father much or my mother’s decisions much.

I spent a great deal of my time either in my room or on the street, walking around the neighborhood, cringing every time that I hear a couple yelling at each other, thinking that it might be my parents finally losing their shit and showing everyone how they really interact, wondering if the fight is about me again because I don’t like them but they also don’t care much for me either.

This is a new start.

Since I am attending a new school, a new neighborhood, and since my parents don’t give a shit anyway, I start to become the person I am on the inside, cutting off all of my hair, getting rid of every piece of clothing that does not fit my true self, going to the Goodwill and buying t-shirts and flannel shirts and pair of men’s work boots that were a little too big for me, but when I look at my new self in the mirror, this is who I am, and I’m more comfortable like this than I have ever been.

I am already invisible.
I want to show mom the decisions that I have made, that I really feel like wearing a binder is liberating, and that I am done trying to be a pretty girl because I still want her approval, but I also am aware that that there is not much that she can see passed her nose.

I’m now Izzy.

When I attend school, it is time to become this new identity, and before long, Izzy is what everyone calls me, nobody questions me, and my classmates are mostly accepting of me the way that I was.

The tension in my house gets higher and higher.

I spent most of my time not sticking out, and when I do have a moment to talk to mom about what I am feeling, she is having a bad day and she is trying to make sure that my dad is not drinking at the bar and drinking, so when I am at school I spend most of my time trying to stay under the radar as well, not really talking to anyone or socializing so the first time I venture out, it is because I Antwan is in study hall, reading a graphic novel.

“Spiderman?” I ask.

He was a mumbler with a jagged body, skinny limbs, and a head that looks too big for his body, but this might have been because his unkempt afro making his head look bigger.

“The Avengers.”

I said, “I really like all of the Marvel stuff better than the DC stuff, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a few things from DC that are pretty good.”
“Batman,” he said.

“Batman, but honestly I think they spend too much energy hanging their brand on Batman and Superman instead of developing and entire world of greatness because, I mean, the Justice League characters outside of Batman and Superman have potential, but they haven’t spent the real time and energy it takes to build the universe like Marvel.”

“I agree.” Antwan said.

From then on, we talk about comics and video games and movies that we have seen on Netflix, and I really enjoy being close to him, talking about the things we have in common, all of the opinions that we share, and it is not long before I really want to hang out with him outside of school, but by the time I am ready to ask him to come over and hang out, the tension in my house finally explode.

We are all dying inside.

Mom and Dad are at each other’s throats, fighting about the things they always fight about, whether she is cheating on him, whether he is drinking up the rent money, whether he is going to kill her this time or not, and I have to steer clear of all of it, and so I want Antwan to invite me to his house, but I don’t want his Mom or Grandma taking one look at me and telling him that I am obviously a girl trying to be a boy, not that I think he is going to care, but I also don’t want to have to explain to his family that I am not trying to be a boy but that I am a boy, and I can no longer try to be a girl.

This is all too much.

A few weeks into hanging out with Antwan at school, I want to tell him everything, about me and my home life, but I like him because he is my only friend and I don’t want to lose him, so I decide to wait until the right time, and even though I know that he will understand completely, I walk halfway home with him every day, look him in the eye for a second, getting ready to tell him, and chicken out, assuring myself I will tell him in the morning.

Until mom has all of our stuff packed when I get home from school.

She says, “We are going. We are leaving for good.”

“But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here.”

“We are leaving your father for good. Just listen to me.”

I start to cry, tears of sadness and rage. “We can’t go. Where are we going?”

“Milwaukee. To live with your Grandma.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’m not going to be this strong tomorrow. We have to go now.”

“This isn’t happening.”

“And why are you dressed like that? Where are your good clothes?”

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Rafter Fiction: I’m Never Going to Get Out of This Shithole.

 

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the track, “I’m Never Going to Get Out of this Shithole.” Buy it here

 

1.

I rode my bike home from school every day with Justin Tamber, whom is the worst piece of shit that I know. He was the one that told me I needed to tell Erika Rose what I thought about her. So it was his fault she laughed in my face and now ignored me. I wanted to punch him in the throat that day when he asked, “How did it go?”
“Horrible.”
“I’m sorry, man. Maybe she wasn’t the right person for you.”
I wanted to kill him.

2.

In the lunch room, I was eating, but I did not want to eat. I watched Erika Rose. She had started sitting next to Zach a few days ago, and I saw the way she looked at him, those googly eyes, and the way she laughed at all of his jokes as if the world did not know he was dumb as hell. He tried to be all cool in gym class by beaming the dodge balls at the weaker people in class. He was a jerk and a bully, and I wanted to stab him with my pencil, especially after watching the way Erika Rose looked at him. I wanted to die.

I started coughing, wrapped my hands around my throat. The sandwich I was eating was not lodge in my throat, the honey baked ham trapped in my esophagus, but I could pretend. I stood up, jerked backward from the table, and stumbled into the people and table behind me, knocking over plates and drinks. I twisted and turned away from all of them and toward the aisle between tables. I staggered toward Erika Rose’s table, my eyes wide open. Everyone in the cafeteria had stood up by this time, and she was standing and watching. I was ready to say something to her when I felt strong arms behind me, wrapping around my chest and pushing up from my diaphragm. The contents of my mouth spewed out and onto the floor in front of me. The rest of my lunch followed. The fast stream of watery vomit splattered all over the cafeteria floor. Everyone started laughing at that point, including Erika Rose. I turned around to see who saved me, and it was the gym teacher, Mr. Collins. I wiped the vomit off of my lips with the back of my hand. “Thanks,” I said, but I didn’t mean it.

3. Justin and I did not talk much after he made me make the mistake with Erika Rose. He tried to tell me about the video game he was playing, or about some cool shit he found in the woods, but I was not interested. On the day I puked all over the cafeteria, he tried to say, “What happened in there?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I guess I saw Erika Rose and that dickhead Zach, and I wanted to die. So I tried to die.”

“Were you even choking?”

“No.”

4. Justin convinced me to go to the dance after the football game. I didn’t want to go to the dance. I wanted to sit at home and watch zombie movies. I didn’t want to see Erika Rose and Zach since their relationship had flourished in the weeks since I tried to die in the cafeteria because of them. For some reason, Justin convinced me, and here I was, paying $10 to get into a dance when nothing was going to happen.

The school dance was a joke. They held it in the cafeteria where I threw up all over. I sat at a table, irritated. Erika Rose and Zach enter later than most of the others, arm in arm. She was wearing his letter jacket, and they acted like they had been making out all day and were not about to stop now. I watched them cross the dance floor to a group of Zach’s friends. Nobody was really dancing much until the DJ played a slow song.
Zach and Erika Rose were goofing off the entire way to the dance floor. When they stood right in front of me, they coupled up, held each other close, and made me want to shit my pants. I watched them slow dancing and decided that this was the time to really tell her how I felt . I walked out next them, tapped Zach on the shoulder, and said, “Can I cut in?”

“Get lost, fuckface,” Zach said.

“You know what I think about you?” I pushed as hard as I could and a large fart was followed by a piece of shit.

The smell was instant. Erika said, “Oh my God.”

Zach pushed me away from them, and his friends were swarming over me. “This guy shit his pants!” Zach yelled. I ran out of the dance, and this was the first time I genuinely smiled in a long time.

5. The next Monday I was the talk of the school as the kid that shit himself. When Justin asked why I did that, I said, “Because I wanted Erika Rose to know how I felt about her.”

“You feel better?”

“Yeah. I mean I know that I’m never going to get out of this shithole, but for today, that is okay.”

We rode our bikes to the river and threw rocks into the moving water. After a while of this, Justin said, “You know I didn’t mean to hurt your chances with her.”

“I know. We’re cool.”

“Do you want to come watch some TV at my place?”

“Sure.”

We rode our bikes back toward town. Most of the leaves on the trees had turned red and yellow, some falling off and crunching under the tires of our bikes. “I hate it here,” Justin said.

“You and me both.”

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Rafter Fiction: The Nightmare (interlude)

 

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the track, “The Nightmare (interlude).” Buy it here

 

He was finally able to open his eyes. A sticky film over his eyelids made it difficult for him to focus. He closed and reopened them. Just to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing. His pupils finally focused in very little light, and a pipe dripped somewhere in the darkness. The light was coming from a doorway. The door was slightly ajar, and the light coming through was pale green and dim. Only when he tried to get up did he realize that he was chained to the wall, heavy shackles were around his wrists, and his mind suddenly moved to him being in a dungeon. He wanted to panic, jerk on the chains, yell into the darkness, but did not have the energy to move. He tried to think of everything that happened before he woke up here.

She was something else, that was for sure. It only took her three steps of into the bar before every conversation had stopped to watch her. She swayed when she walked, a metronome of long blonde hair, long legs, and long strides. Her crisp white dress was short and tight. He could see everything that she was wearing and not wearing underneath. The bar was not busy, but she chose the seat right next to him. “I should buy you a drink?” he said.

“You should,” she replied.

Once he traveled through the desert in Egypt to try to save his marriage, on a camel that was supposed to take him to the pyramids. In the middle of this journey, filled with sand and heat and the sun baring down on him as if he did something to personally piss it off, he looked over at his wife, his ex-wife now, and wondered how she roped him into all of this. He did not like being hot. He did not care about seeing the ancient tombs. He did not even like her much now that he thought about it. He was only doing it because their marriage was in shambles. This was the most time they had spent together, in the same general proximity, in almost a year. He had excuses to work. She had excuses to spend time drinking wine with her friends. During that travel, his head and face and body covered up, he decided this was not going to work out.

The lady at the bar sat with her back straight and her shoulders high. She was two drinks into their conversation before she started telling about a ghost that lived in her childhood home. She said his name was Clarence, and he was nice enough. He was not the type of spirit that hid her things and made the house chaos in hopes of getting her family to leave. “This was not some Amityville demon. Clarence turned into my companion.”

He obviously did not know he got chained to the wall. There were some drinks, not enough for him to black out so someone must have put something in his whiskey. His head was pounding.  He tried to focus on the green light coming through the crack. He tried not to think about the water dripping in the corner somewhere because it was going to drive him nuts. He could hear some sort of music beyond the doorway in the green light. It sounded like him like a jazz, like a  saxophone solo. He tried to figure out where he could be that would play jazz and have green lights illuminated the back room. His mind was empty.

She talked for a little longer about Clarence and companionship before he realized what direction this was going. “When I turned thirteen, it started to feel like Clarence might have been a little different than when I was a kid. Some nights, I could feel the weight of him on top of me. It’s hard to describe. I guess the best way was like it was a really heavy blanket. I don’t know. The pressure of him on top of me started to turn from something of comfort to something sexual. Before too long, I was not wearing anything to bed in anticipation for what might happen.”

They were closer to the pyramids, and he was thirsty. He had been thirsty the entire trip. He wondered why they did not just take Jeeps out here instead of camels, but that argument should have been made a long time ago. He and his wife had been arguing all morning anyway. She told him the truth, finally. “You were right, John. When we were on our honeymoon, I did disappear because I had some business to take care of. I met those guys online and knew that while we were in Las Vegas, we had to meet up. I mean he was the most powerful Satanist in America, and I had to meet him. I had to have a ritual to make sure that this marriage, our marriage, would last. I wanted him to bless the things that we had, and the things we were going to do.”

The longer he was chained here, the harder it was to keep calm. He had figured out that this was the basement of some club, that there was music playing upstairs, and if he could smell better he would be able to smell the alcohol seeped from the foundation. He did not know how he got here, why he was here, what was going to happen next. He wondered if he ex-wife was coming to see him again because of the way that he left her, if the Satanists were going to have words with him, or if the woman at the bar was holding him down, making sure that he understood that there was not going to be any man like the incubus in her childhood bedroom, or maybe it was Clarence all along, only Clarence, trying to tell him to say away from his woman. Maybe this was not jazz music at all. Maybe it was the sounds of Cairo, that he had not even made it to the pyramids but was here for a reason, that these chains were old because they were ancient, and that his soon to be ex-wife knew she did not have another play but to leave him here in the desert, to become bleached bones discovered in years to come. He did not know anything anymore.

He closed his eyes and tried to wake up again.

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Rafter Fiction: We’re Golden

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the eleventh track, “We’re Golden.” Buy it here

When Ms. Thompson was returning out chemistry tests, I knew that the switch Susan Takasaki and I made was successful. We were chemistry lab partners, and even though her contribution was valuable and reasonable, her parents hired me as her chemistry tutor. Within two sessions, I was in love. She did not know I would do anything for her while she sat rigid and straight, leaning slightly forward over the work I was trying to explain to her. Her long hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and the angle of her cheek from her ear to her chin had those little fuzzy hairs that I wanted to gently rub with my fingertips. I didn’t know why her parents wanted her to have a tutor because she understood chemistry, probably better than I did, but one day after lab, she said, “I was wondering if you have time to teach me outside of class?” Of course her face was all I thought about after her proposal. I could not wait to see her again. I stared at her while she stood next to her locker and sat at her kitchen table with a glass of water to her right, her concentrating on everything that I was explaining, and accomplishing the examples I gave her with very little effort. Susan understood chemistry, but I wanted to let her off the hook in this next test.

I told her, “Why don’t we take the test for each other?”

“No. No.”

“It will be fine. I have a good grade in that class, and I can help you.”

“You will do that for me?”

“Of course.”

She covered her mouth with her hand when she smiled. “What if we get caught?”

I picked up both of our papers. “Our handwriting is very similar.” This was more true because mine was loopy and feminine and hers was rigid. I would just have to print a little slower and make the numbers closer together. “We won’t get caught.”

“I don’t know.”

“Think about it.”

Susan did think about it the next few days, and I wondered if she had forgotten until I got her text message. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I will be more than happy to help your grade. If this means switching tests,  I will.”

“Okay then.”

When Ms. Thompson returned our tests, I could not believe that my grade, the grade on the paper that Susan made for me, was a 96%. I stopped for a second and looked through the test to make sure I was not missing something, but Susan had only missed one little piece of problem number 4. I looked over to her, but she was staring down at her test, the test that I took for her. She looked as if she was about to cry. I tried to catch her attention, but she kept looking at the paper, forgetting that any of us were still in the room. Neither of us listened to Ms. Thompson go over the problems that everyone missed or the rest of the lesson plan for that hour. I tried to get Susan’s attention the whole period, but she was not looking up from her papers and notes. I knew I must have messed it all up for her to react like this.

When the bell rang, I met her at the doorway. “What happened?”

“I got a 84%,” she said.

“Oh.” I wanted to tell her I was sorry. “It was a tough test.”

“I can only imagine what grade you received. If you didn’t do well, I can’t imagine that I did either.”

I thought about what direction I should take this. I could tell her the truth, but then a whole new set of problems would arise. I said, “It’s okay. We’re good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. It is all good.”

Her smile was small and shy. I felt awful for not telling her the truth, but it was better to keep my mouth shut. If she knew she would have gotten a better grade without my help, she would not need me anymore. This was not something that I wanted to happen. Susan said, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“Follow me.” She led me to the gym and out the side door to the outside. I didn’t know what she had planned for me, if she was going to punch me in the stomach or tell me that she knew I was a lousy liar. I held my breath as she led me into a small crevice between the gymnasium and the rest of the school. It was a blind spot in the building architecture, a little space where the ground was covered in cigarette butts because it was hidden from every camera. People came out here to smoke and to ditch classes. I had never been there.  When we stepped into this little space, she turned to me, “I want you to know what is going on.”

I almost confessed to hiding her superior score. Instead I said, “What do you mean?”

“We both know I don’t need a chemistry tutor.”

“Honestly. You really don’t.”

“I only told my parents so we could spend more time together.”

I did not know how to respond. I looked into her deep dark eyes and wondered if this was the moment to kiss her. I could not be so bold, especially at school. I wanted to hold onto her, pull her close, hug her, smell her hair, or at least tell her I was glad this was her plan all along and that I would spend time with her without being her tutor, as much time as she ever wanted from me. I could have done or said any of these things, but the only thing that came out was, “You got a 96% on your test.”

“What?”

I repeated the score, and I knew it was a mistake. Susan turned away from me, headed back toward the gymnasium doors. I followed her. I called her name. She did not turn around. I thought about all of things in my life that I had messed up, and I tried to get her attention all the way inside the building. Finally she turned around and said, “I have to get to my next class.” I let her go.

The next day, I tried to talk to her in chemistry, apologize, tell her I was sorry, tell her I would make it up to her somehow. She said, “I’ll be okay without your help.”

“Don’t be mad,” I said.

“I’m not mad. It happened. Nothing I can do to change it.”

“Are we good?”

Susan paused for a second, looked at her notebook, up at me, and back to her notebook. “Yeah. We’re good.”

And other than words spoke with necessity to get through the year as her lab partner, this was the end of my chances with Susan Takasaki.

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Rafter Fiction: Watching Devo on a VHS

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from  album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the tenth track, “Watching Devo on a VHS.”  Buy the album here

Amber did not expect to have this conversation or have her father move all of her belonging back into her room. Her mother was trying too hard to get her to talk about the state of her marriage but Amber had nothing. So she and her parents sat in silence at breakfast every morning. After few bites, Amber pushed the rest of the eggs and bacon around the plate until a decent amount of time had passed and she could excuse herself. Amber went to work and came right back home. She did not talk to her coworkers even when they tried to cheer her up, tried to get her to go out with them after work and to meet someone else. Amber could not explain that was devastated.

She hated thinking about her husband, now living carefree and happy while she walked around her house in the middle of the night, trying to figure out what happened. Many nights, her father found her sitting in the living room in the dark. He did not have the heart to say anything to her. He needed to find the prick and rip his balls off.

After a month or two, Amber was losing too much weight.and she looked emaciated with hollow bones. She was still awake most nights, but she moved the living room to the old rec room in the basement. After her and her brother moved out, the room had turned into a junk room, boxes of magazines and yarn from her mother’s projects stacked in the corner. She liked the lighting there the best, the dim lamp against the wood panel walls. The basement smelled musky and was dated, but she remembered all of the times in high school, when all her her friends were over, drinking wine coolers and beers and watching movies on the VHS. The couch was still the same couch, and she liked to lie face down and bury her nose into the cushions. She liked the dust, mold and sour from old alcohol and parties from decades ago. After a few days, she slowly started to straighten up the basement, go through boxes, stack up the ones that were her mother’s projects, throw out most of the others. Many were filled with objects from her preteen room, those things she did not want but did not want to throw away, catchall boxes of notebooks and hats, posters, pictures, single gloves and hair barrettes. She went through these slowly, tried to remember all of the memories, most of the time throwing them out because there was no point. After a few of these boxes, she found one filled with video tapes, movies that she and her friends used to watch all of the time.

Amber unpacked the box of movies and stacked them in piles around her. All of them were really her brother’s collection. The ‘Burbs. The Prophecy. Adventures in Babysitting. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He was the horror movie fan, but she would sneak them when her friends were older. With him being two years older, he usually had command of what they were watching. Sometimes his friends were with him, and she sneaked down late at night to scare them. When they all got a little older, when her brother was a senior and she was a sophomore, there was more interest in her bringing her friends so that they could drinks and have awkward makeout sessions. She had made out with more than one of her brother’s friends. The more that she thought about this, she started looking through the box of video tapes for a specific one, the one that was playing when she first kissed Jake, who would eventually be her husband, who would eventually run off. She took out three stacks, stopping to look at the cover of “A Clockwork Orange” and how she never wanted to see that movie again, and “Gremlins”, which she watched every Christmas with Jake. Toward the bottom of the first stack, she found the one tape she wanted. The cover was tore up, but she held it like it was a prized possession. It was a compilation of DEVO videos called “We’re All Devo”. She left the rest of the tapes in stacks on the floor, and popped it into the VHS player that was still connected to the unused basement TV. She sat on the couch when the tape started at the beginning of the song, “Girl U Want.” She watched the video and remembered being young, dancing around to this tape, song after song, with her girlfriends, once her brother graduated and moved on to college. These were the nights when life was free and anything was possible, when they talked about the boys they liked and how they couldn’t wait to get married, and of course the night when Jake and two of his friends crawled through her bedroom window and the crept downstairs, DEVO becoming the cover for the kissing. She watched all of the tape, and the longer she watched, the more she thought about how naive she used to be, how wrong her younger self was when it came to ideals and hopes. She wished she could do it all over again. She wished that life was as simple as a DEVO song.

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Rafter Fiction: Breezy’s Jungle Cruise

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from his newest album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the song, “Breezy’s Jungle Cruise.”  Buy the album here

Each of us took a hit of acid before we went on the city tour. None of us had been here before, and our parents told us that a city tour in a long double decker bus with a know-it-all guide pointing out all of the landmarks we passed was really an experience to behold. Trevor thought that the only way this could be enjoyable was to save three of the tabs we brought with us, drop them early enough so that once the wheels on the bus went round and round, we would be tripping.

We sat in the top, the open air on our faces as we rode slowly through the city. The constant honking sounded liked a symphony to me, the pitches and distances all making their mark when their time was right. I closed my eyes and felt the breeze on me, listened to the orchestra of the city, the banging and clanging, the honking and voices, turning this trip into a spiritual journey, a movement in four parts that I would never hear again.

Then the tour guide piped up, his voice tinny but booming on the speakers. “Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to lose your life today while we drive through the worst neighborhoods. We will view the crime and poverty on our way to the cemetery where I will drop you off. But don’t worry. You’ll be dead by then. You won’t feel a thing by then. You will be ready to feed the worms by then.”

I nudged Trevor beside me. “Did you hear what he just said?”

“That we are going to have a good day? Sure. That we are going to see everything that there is to see? These lights are fucking marvelous.”

I tried to swallow my panic. I looked out at anything, at the buildings, at the traffic surrounding us, at the other passengers of the bus. There was an older couple in seats across the aisle from us, and I wanted to ask them if the tour guide really said those things or if I was hallucinating, or both. I couldn’t because Alex was between me and the aisle, and honestly, he had gotten really huge since this trip started. Like round and rotund. He was definitely growing, turning into a balloon. His stomach was blowing up more and more, and I asked him, “Are you going to escape this death by floating away? Are you going to become the next float in the Macy’s Parade?”
Alex gave me a weird look, as if I was talking nonsense and went back to whatever he was seeing.

The tour guide broke in again. “Ladies and Gentlemen. We are going to take a pit stop if you want. There is a deli on the south side of the street, and they serve up the best sandwiches, so if you brought some money, I suggest you buy yourself one. Also we will need some volunteers to stay behind because in exchange for these sandwiches, the butcher will need to cut up one or two of you to make their pastrami on rye special. It’s the best sandwich you will ever eat, so it is very much worth it. If there are no volunteers, I guess I will have to pick someone.”

“Do you hear what he just said?” I yelled at Trevor. “Did you freaking hear it?”

“Relax, man,” Alex said. “It’s all going to be okay. I think you are overreacting.”

“Listen to you, Balloon man. You can just float away toward midtown if he picks you, but I’m doomed. I am going to be pastrami. I am going to be some rich dude’s sandwich with swiss cheese, spicy mustard, and a fucking pickle, and you’re telling me to relax? Who the hell are you?”

Trevor put his arm around me. “I think you’re having a bad time.”

“I’m not! They’re going to kill us all. This is the Bus of Doom. The trip to Hell.”

I must have been a little louder because people were starting to turn toward us. Alex said, “You need to chill the fuck out, man.”

We were stopped for awhile, and I thought about getting off the tour, but I knew that the danger of being chased down the street and becoming a pastrami sandwich was just as dangerous if I got off the bus. I needed to wait it out. When the bus started moving again, I looked around to see many of the people eating sandwiches. I thought there were two or three people missing.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are planning now to turn south toward the river. There we can view how many shipping containers and dead bodies are floating around. We will be throwing a few of you in, but the rest of you are going to be heading toward the crematorium.”

Fuck, man.” I stood up. “I have to get out of here.” I headed down the aisle toward the front of the bus.

The conductor voice came through, “Please remain seated while the bus is in motion.”

“Hell no!” I yelled. “I’m not going to sit down and let you get away with this.”

The tour bus stopped. Horns started blaring all around us. “If you don’t sit down, I’m going to ask you to get off.”
I started walking toward the doors. “I have to save myself.” I expected this to be another trap, that the tour bus would start again as soon as I tried to step onto the curb, but nothing happened. I gingerly stepped down, and the doors behind me snapped shut and the motor revved again. I watched it leave the curb and lunge back into traffic. For a second I was relieved that I was going to live, but then I realized that my friends were still on there, unaware of the fate awaiting them. I started walking, not even knowing which direction I was going. I could try to get the police involved, to help save my friends, but then I thought that if I tried to warn them, they’d ignored me. The local police were probably in on the whole scheme as well. Trevor and Alex were on their own. I had to save myself.

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Rafter Fiction: You’re So Cold

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from his newest album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the song, You’re So Cold.” Buy the album here

 

He kicked and screamed the entire time the men picked him up and strapped him to a table. They shined lights and hurt his eyes. He pulled and tried shake free while they injected him, and then he stopped.

The light fragmented, broke to red, blue, and green. Oval and rectangle specks floated in a sea of black. His body lurched forward. His internal organs heaved, all at once, toward this throat. He could not open his mouth anymore.

He was 1956. His father slipping out of his grandmother, crying like he did not understand what was happening.

He was 1968. His mother at university, fall leaves floating through the wind daydreaming about his father with her books at her chest.

He was 1976. A squirming body inside of his mother, thinking about coming out but knowing that this darkness and this wet needed to be around to help him grow more.

He slept longer than he realized. He woke in his apartment. Only for a second. Long enough for him to open his eyes and see the bright lights above him again. One of the old man faces bent toward his face. “I don’t think it worked very long.

“I wonder how it feels,” said another.

“Probably like shit,” another said. He paused for a second before the same voice said, “What? He can’t hear me. It doesn’t matter.”

The light started to melt again and he was way off, floating toward the mountains, drowning in the sea. His insides felt jumbled and again he tried to scream.

He was 1993. The first girl that he kissed was looking at him, wondering if she was going to marry him and if they were going to have babies, but most importantly wondering what she would do if he touched her breasts.

He was 1999. He was with his parents, anticipating the end of the world at the end of December 31. His father dug a hole in the ground to place all of their money when the banks collapsed. He could find where all the money was buried. If it was still buried.

He was 2001. He started to squirm against the restraints, screaming against the pain of the burning. The burning building.

A teardrop rolled down his cheek. He thought he was screaming, “I don’t want to do it! I don’t want to do this anymore! I don’t want to do it!”

The response he heard was one of the men saying, “Do you see his lips moving? Is he trying to say something?”

“No,” another man said. “He’s just talking to someone in the past.”

“Fuck,” he tried to say. He jerked against the restraints but stopped a second later. He tested his right arm, yanked it hard, tried to see it move out of the corner of his eye. He realized then that all of his struggle, all of his screaming was not being seen or heard. His  fear and anxiety spiked his heart and blood pressure. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out what he what to do. The only thing to do was to give in.
As soon as he decided not to fight it anymore,  the room turned dark, but there were some specks of light, like stars. The table under him turned into the softness of summer grass. He used to lie in the grass with his parents when he was a child, looking up at the stars. His father would point out constellations, but he could not figure out any of them now. Then he heard a voice, his voice, the voice that he had not heard in years. His father. “That’s Orion.” The stars he mentioned started to shine brighter. “You can see how the three stars make his belt. Those are Alnitak, Alnilam, and Mintaka. This such a popular constellation because it can be seen throughout the world. It’s on the celestial equator.” Hearing his father explain this again makes him want to curl up in his lap and listen to all of the stories he told him when he was a kid.

Then he heard his mother’s voice. “He doesn’t want to hear all of that, Tom.”

“Sure he does.”

He wanted to agree with him, but all he could do was try to nod his head. He wanted his mother closer too. He wanted to hear more than just their voices. He knew that this was what the men promised, only their voices, but if he could just see them one more time. If he could just touch them one more time, he would be able to…

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Rafter Fiction: A Naked Heart

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Rafter Fiction is short stories based on songs by Rafter. I am starting the series with the songs from his newest album, “Terrestrial Extras”.  This is the song, “A Naked Heart.” Buy the album here

 

I did not really know Allen that well until the summer he was pulling up all of the grass in his front yard. Allen did not go to school, did not play football or baseball, did not play with any other kids on the block. I didn’t even know there was a boy living there until I saw him shoveling snow off the front walk last winter. I asked my mom about him.

“There’s a new boy down the street.”

“Who?”

“Down the street. In the blue house.”

My mom did not say much else about it, only nodded her head and went back to washing vegetables for dinner.

In the summer, all of us were out of school, and I was up early for some dumb reason. Jeff invited me over to play video games that morning, and since mom was still asleep, I ate a handful of cereal and headed toward his house. I didn’t pay attention to what time it was, and when I saw the sun barely above the horizon, I knew that I was too early. I could have went back home for awhile, but this idea was not as appealing as being on the street alone too early in the morning. I happened to walk passed the blue house, and this is when I saw Allen pulling up clumps of grass with his bare hands.

His back was turned to the street. He looked about six or seven, skinny and short, his hair buzzed close. The outlines of the his spine and ribs pushed taut against his skin. I wanted to stay something to get his attention, but I did not know if I should. After pulling a few more clumps, he must have sensed me because he turned around. “Hey,” he said in a really small voice.

“Hi.”

His face was small and compact. His eyes were sunken and close to each other, and his lips were too thin. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and shook one out. “You want one?” He shook a cigarette out of the pack for me.

“No thanks.”

“Cool.” He stood in the yard, a safe distance from me, and smoked.

“What exactly are you doing?”

Allen looked back at the clumps of grass piling up. “Mom says she doesn’t like anything that grows and wants me to tear all the grass out of the yard.”

This was confusing to me, but I just nodded. I was too busy watching him smoke like a man on a union break. “How old are you?”

“Fifteen. This fall. I think.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe it.”

“I know. I look younger. Mom says she doesn’t want me to get older.”

“But you smoke.”

“It’s supposed to stunt my growth.” He smiled, and this was when I noticed all of his teeth were discolored and broken.

About that time, a large woman in a dark brown dress stepped onto the porch. She carried two coffee cups, and when she saw me, she stopped and her eyes narrowed. “Allen,” she said.

He turned to her then back to me. “I have to go.”

“Okay,” I said.

I didn’t tell my mom about seeing him this time. Instead I told Jeff when we were playing video games. I spent the night at his house that night, and the next morning we sneaked out of his house to see if Allen still working. Allen noticed us earlier than the day before.

Hey,” said. He stopped and lit a cigarette again. “You come to help or just gawk.”

Jeff gave me a look that told me he knew less about what to say than I did. I finally said, “Will your mom get pissed?”

“I don’t think so. Not if you’re helping. She wasn’t mad yesterday. Just wanted to know who you was.”

The yard did not have much more progress than when I saw it the day before, and I knew it would take him all summer if he worked by himself. Finally I said, “Sure. We can help.”

That was our only summer with Allen, pulling all of the grass out of the yard. We asked him why he smoked and why he drank coffee all of the time, and why he was so small for someone older than us. He did not talk about it right away, but once we had been working for a week or so, he said, “My mom doesn’t have very much. She does not have anyone, and she doesn’t like seeing things grow. Every morning, after she unties the weights from my arms and head, she measures and weighs me. She is disappointed when I have grown. And I don’t want to disappoint her. I’m all she has.”

When the yard was free of grass, I watched a paving company back into his yard. I got up early, before the sun baked the blacktop of his front yard, to see if Allen was going to be outside working on something else. I looked for a few weeks, but after not seeing him again, I found other things to occupy my time.

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