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Synopsis:
It was a great love story, one for the ages. The speed of our beginning and the speed of our ending felt like matching bookends. They both came out of nowhere. He wanted it, he wanted me. And then he didn’t.
In March 2020, Belle Burden was safe and secure with her family at their house on Martha’s Vineyard, navigating the early days of the pandemic together—building fires in the late afternoons, drinking whisky sours, making roast chicken. Then, with no warning or explanation, her husband of twenty years announced that he was leaving her. Overnight, her caring, steady partner became a man she hardly recognized. He exited his life with her like an actor shrugging off a costume.
In Strangers, Burden revisits her marriage, searching for clues that her husband was not who she always thought he was. As she examines her relationship through a new lens, she reckons with her own family history and the lessons she intuited about how a woman is expected to behave in the face of betrayal. Through all of it, she is transformed. The discreet, compliant woman she once was—someone nicknamed “Belle the Good”—gives way to someone braver, someone determined to use her voice.
With unflinching honesty and profound grace, Burden charts a path through heartbreak to show the power of a woman who refuses to give up on love. Strangers is a stunning, deeply moving, compulsively readable memoir heralding the arrival of a thrilling new literary talent.
Review:
I decided to read Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage because I wanted to see if there is any insight into the real emotions of what happens to a partner when another partner abruptly leaves. Also considering this is a Covid memoir, I was curious about if the stresses of lockdown had anything to do with the dissolving of the marriage. The closeness of the environment of lockdown day after day caused many people to get pregnant but also made many partners realize their marriage was not working any more and that this forced closeness made these feelings explode. Lockdown not only gave some people true insight into their relationships but also allowed them the bravery to have the tough conversations. We get none of this in Strangers. Instead Belle Burden’s memoir is about her family quarantining at their home on Martha’s Vineyard when she discovers her husband is having an affair. The husband quickly decides it is best to not have any further discussions but just go back to New York. He become emotionally as well as physically divorced. I was hoping for some bigger themes in this memoir, but the truth is that Belle Burden does not dig too deep into what could have happened in the marriage. Instead of spending time with introspection, like what roles she played in their marriage and if there were any indicators that he was going to do these things, she goes forward with how the divorce is going to destroy her finances. Her husband does not get a pass in any of it. He does her dirty by using this moment as an excuse to escape from his wife and kids back to New York, to become so divorced from the whole family that his feelings toward his wife and children that during his first visit back to the house, he is more concerned about finding the prenuptial agreement in the boxes in their basement than spending time with his kids. This could be driven by some of the guilt because he does not want to face his children, but this is his new behavior as soon as he leave: that he is more interested in the money than in what is left of his family. For this, he is not a good person.
But marriages are also a two person endeavor and we only get Belle Burden’s side of the story. She is not at fault for her husband’s behavior, but there is still a question of why he is so easy to give up on everything he had built over twenty years because of a fling. Some of the last pages of the memoir brings some questions to light. Burden meets an old friend from before she got married, and the friend said that she (Burden) has turned back into the woman that she knew before Burden got married, that there was something about the marriage that stifled the person she used to be. I am curious to find out if her husband discovered the same thing about himself (that he had just lost the person he was before they met) just a little earlier than her. We do not get much about his personality except for surface things like he liked the osprey nest on their property and cleaning the yard, that his favorite band is Dinosaur Jr., and that his roommate was a guy named Mark who died of a drug overdose right before his debut novel was to come out. We get just as much emotional depth about him as we do about her. This still does not let him off the hook for abandoning his family in the way that he did. He should have been an adult and had real conversations with her instead of just leaving. Unless he did but this does not fit into the narrative that Burden wants to present. There is definitely a tone set in the memoir that does not deviate much, and things like a real conversation about their marriage between Burden and her ex-husband does not fit the idea that he is just a cold-hearted, money hungry jerk.
The most fascinating part about this entire story is who these people are. Belle Burden’s grandmother was Babe Paley, a New York fashionista and socialite who hung out with Truman Capote, until Capote wrote a thinly veiled story about her. Her father was an heir to the Vanderbilt family and her mother is the former director of New York Department of Public Planning. Her ex-husband is lawyer and hedge fund manager who did not come from money but definitely has made his share. The big fights in the memoir are about the properties in Tribeca and Martha’s Vineyard that Burden bought by cashing in her trust funds. She put her husband’s names on the deeds and this entitles him to half of their properties due to their prenuptial agreement. Their marriage did not dissolve because of lack of money, but money seems to be the only concern in the divorce.
Memoirs work due to relatability. Many people can relate to a partner being a terrible person and walking out on a marriage. Not as many people can relate to fights over multiple properties and large sums of money. This second part seems to be the biggest focus of the memoir. I do not want to downplay Belle Burden or her family’s experience throughout this tough time because divorces are never easy, but I do feel like we are getting a very emotionally disconnected version of the story. There are a few pages where she does explain about the pain she is in after he leaves, but most of the focus is on their family history, the community response to their divorce, and the money. This makes me feel like there are so many more impactful and relatable divorce stories out there, and it makes me suspect that the big reason why Strangers is a book everyone is recommending is because of Belle Burden’s pedigree.








