Review: Nunchuck City by Brian Asman

Posted on May 21, 2021 by ghostvillehero
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Buy it here: Brian Asman’s Website, Amazon

Synopsis:

You better nun-check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Disgraced ex-ninja Nunchuck “Nick” Nikolopoulis just wants to open a drive-thru fondue restaurant with his best friend Rondell. But when an old enemy kidnaps the mayor, and a former flame arrives in hot pursuit, Nick’s going to have to dust off his fighting skills and face his past. Plus an army of heavily-armed ninjas, a very well-dressed street gang, an Australian sumo wrestler with a gnarly skin condition, giant robots, municipal paperwork, and much, much more! From the rooftops to the sewers, Nick and his ex-girlfriend Kanna Kikuchi are in for the fight of their lives!

Also featuring the backup story “Curse of the Ninja” by Lucas Mangum! 

Review:

While preparing for this, the third and final book by Brian Asman that I am reviewing this week, I took an expedition to find the grand sensei book reviewer that lives as a recluse in a mountain temple surrounded by books, disciples, and a lot of opinions. I looked for this person for an entire afternoon before deciding to just watch the first half of the movie adaptation of Double Dragon instead. I still might be a little underprepared, but I know I will come out of this fight as a winner.

Nunchuck City is the newest novel by Brian Asman, the second on his own Mutated Media publishing imprint. I have listened to a few interviews about this book and the thing that he reiterates the most is that this is a love letter to the martial arts video games that many of us grew up playing, like Double Dragon, Bad Dudes, and Streets of Rage. I loved playing these side-scrolling, repetitive fighting games growing up, so this really does feel like one of the plots to one of those games. The hero of the story, Nunchuck “Nick” Nikolopoulis, is trying to get the paperwork to open up a drive thru fondue restaurant, and he needs his license signed by the mayor, who has just been kidnapped by an old enemy from his youth. Another ghost from the past, an ex-girlfriend who also has been pursuing this bad guy all over the world, only to circle back to the city where they all grew up to have a final showdown.

The plot and action of this book plays out like a video game or an action movie that you watch on those nights when you want to give your mind some brain candy, and this is what I love most about it. Through the three books that Brian Asman has published and after listening to some of his interviews, I feel like the best thing about his work is that his voice is unique, strong, and very recognizable. It seems like he has an attitude where he says he is going to tell a great story, have as many funny, action packed scenes as possible in it, and make the reader feel satisfied after they have read the last page. This style, where he takes the story telling seriously but makes sure that the story is not serious, is a style that many people try but very few succeed.

Brain Asman is one of those authors that has a game plan, has his next few books already planned, his next book Comic Sans is already an ad in the back of Nunchuck City. The book after this one is a haunted house story tentatively titled Man, Fuck this House, which is the best haunted house title I have ever heard. If you are smart, you should jump onto the Brian Asman train early so you can be “one of those people” who read everything  by him before he became a household name.

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Review: Jailbroke by Brian Asman

Posted on May 19, 2021 by ghostvillehero
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Buy it here: Brian Asman’s website, Amazon

Synopsis:

Future slacker Kelso’s got the easiest gig in the galaxy, working the Gordita Especial! pod on board an interstellar cruiser, although that doesn’t stop him from complaining about it to anyone who’ll listen.

Cyborg Security Officer Londa James spends her days wrangling idiot tourists and keeping an artificial eye out for any passengers or crew who might be on the verge of snapping from space sicknesses.

But after a colleague is brutally murdered, Kelso and James are going to have to work together if they want to survive! Man-eating machines, cybernetically-enhanced badasses, septuagenarian toddlers, an opioid algorithm-addicted bucket of bolts, a cult that worships the reincarnation of a 400-year-old God Genius, and one very unusual sex robot come together in JAILBROKE, a heartwarming/ripping tale about what it means to be human in a galaxy run by artificial intelligence.

Review:

In Brian Asman’s second book, and first for his own publishing imprint Mutated Media, he takes on a word that is hundreds of years in the future. A murder takes place and some human flesh gets into the Gordita Especial! Mix that the modified robot humans love to eat. When these robots eat human flesh, they get a hunger for it and start to think on their own, thinking that eating more people is probably the best idea. Kelso, a gordita chef and Londa James, a security officer have to team up to stop the  robots from eating everyone on the ship.

I actually read this one after his other two books, I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today  and Nunchuck City, and I will say that I think this is the best of the three. Not only do we have the heavy action of the robots, we have a great deal of world building that Asman does. He has not only set this hundreds of years into the future on a spaceship, but he gives us a glimpse of what life could be like. Sure everyone spends money on body modifications to make human/robot hybrids, but there is cultural significance to them, a status that is placed on people who have the most. I also like that Elon Musk has become a significant part of the leadership of the world and that there is a religious aspect to the way the people revere him. I like that society has not change much but advanced into the people that do not seem too far fetched (sex robots anyone?)

The significant difference between I’m Not Even Supposed to be Here Today and Jailbroke is that the voice is much stronger, much looser, and more of his own. This is glimpses of how he plans to write all of his books–fast paced, funny, clever, and focused on action. The action is nonstop, and character development does not get in the way. There is not a great deal of back story to any of the characters, but in a book like this, you really do not want to slow down the pace and the action. 
So far this is the one that I would recommend first to the thousands of people asking which Brian Asman book he or she should read first. Jailbroke has a great world built into a well-rounded, fun and funny story. 

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Review: I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today by Brian Asman

Posted on May 17, 2021 by ghostvillehero

Buy here: Amazon, Bookshop

Synopsis:

“Sometimes you stop by the convenience store for a slushy and the world just goes straight to hell, and takes you along with it. I haven’t had this much fun watching terrible stuff happen in a long time.” -Stephen Graham Jones, author of Mongrels

A Bizarro fiction tribute to the Kevin Smith cult classic CLERKS.

After a killer surf session, Scot Kring stops into his local Fasmart for a delicious, icy Slushpuppy. But before he can leave, a homeless guy outside has a stroke and accidentally recites an ancient Latin phrase that summons a very hungry demon, who just so happens to look like filmmaker Kevin Smith.

Now Scot’s stuck in a time loop along with the other occupants of the convenience store who may or may not be demonically possessed and he’s fighting back with nothing but a fistful of greasy hot dogs and a souvenir Slushpuppy cup as the giant menacing kaiju Kevin Smith threatens to kill them all.

I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today is a demon apocalypse comedy for the slacker generation.

Review

This week I will be reviewing all three of Brian Asman’s available books. His first novella, I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today was released in 2019 by Eraserhead Press as part of their New Bizarro Author Series. The short novella centers around Scot Kring, a car stereo installer who is returning from work from an afternoon of surfing. He stops at a Fasmart for a Slushpuppy when a homeless guy outside is having a stroke, starts to mumble and summons a demon, who also looks like Kevin Smith.

This is such a short novel and much of it is fixed on the action more than the character development, but that is fine. There is a great amount of violence mixed with humor, so these two things carry the story. If Asman would have stopped to talk about Kring or Skater Girl more, the momentum would have slowed down, and this novella is all about pacing. The breakneck speed of the action makes this a fast read, but Asman’s writing and humor is what keeps the reader engaged and entertained. This feels like a strong beginning of his novels and novellas, like his creativity and voice are very developed but not where it will be in the next two books.


I like Kevin Smith movies, and I have seen almost all of them. I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today might limit the appeal of some people because Smith can be a polarizing filmmaker. Asman seems to be aware of this so he does have the deep cuts for the true Smith fans, but the actual Kevin Smith aspects of the story are based on his most popular works. Even the title is very recognizable as a line from Clerks, a movie that if you have an opinion on Kevin Smith films at all, Clerks is on the radar. This means that I’m Not Even Supposed to be Here is not an alienating book, one that is only for true fans. It is a fun little story, and I would recommend it to anyone who likes demons, Kevin Smith, or Slushpuppy drinks.

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Review: “Beautiful/Grotesque” edited by Sam Richard

Posted on April 21, 2021 by ghostvillehero

Buy it here:

Godless, Weirdpunk Books, Amazon

Synopsis:

Five authors of strange fiction, Roland Blackburn (Seventeen Names For Skin), Jo Quenell (The Mud Ballad), Katy Michelle Quinn (Winnie), Joanna Koch (The Wingspan of Severed Hands), and Sam Richard (Sabbath of the Fox-Devils) each bring you their own unique vision of the macabre and the glorious violently colliding. From full-on hardcore horror to decadently surreal nightmares, and noir-fueled psychosis, to an eerie meditation on grief, and familial quiet horror, Beautiful/Grotesque guides us through the murky waters where the monstrous and the breathtaking meet.

They are all beautiful. They are all grotesque.

Review:

Beautiful/Grotesque is something of a different anthology for WeirdPunk Books, who have done previous anthology inspired by the Misfits, G.G. Allin, and David Cronenberg. This is an anthology assembled and edited by Sam Richard, inspired by the image of a Zdzisław Beksiński work “Untitled Drawing, 1968.” The idea was that approached some of his friends and authors formerly published by WeirdPunk Books to write stories on this theme. The five stories in this anthology really showcases the level of talent and horror that WeirdPunk Books is consistently releasing. I have read and reviewed all but one of these authors and it is fitting to just go through each story.

“God of the Silvered Halls” by Roland Blackburn

The author of Seventeen Names for Skin, starts off the collection with a strong, traditional horror story. I could see this as comparable to someone like Joe Hill or Josh Malerman. Blackburn delivers a strong, well written, and fun horror story about a medical examiner who gets too involved with a strange case of a woman hit by a train.  

“Threnody” by Jo Quenell

Jo Quenell offers a story about a woman hired to sing at a dead child’s funeral. The story is about transition and grief, and if you have read Jo Quenell’s novella, Mud Ballad, you will recognize that there is a little bit of grime in every story that she tells. 

“The Queen of the Select” by Katy Michelle Quinn

I have read one story by Katy Michelle Quinn (“Mall Goth Lazerdick Explode-A-Thon III” in the anthology LAZERMALL.) Her entry here, “The Queen of the Select,” follows a cop who goes to private parties to have sex with transgender women, and the guilt and anger he feels about this desire. This makes for a gut-wrenching, devastating extreme horror story. It is hard to choose my favorite story in this collection, but this is the one that brought the most emotions out of me.

“Swanmord” by Joanna Koch

This is by the author of The Wingspan of Severed Hands, and based on this novella, I expected it to be surreal, confusing, and stunning. I was not disappointed. This is the story of Hayden and Trillious, partners in a slippery narrative about love and transformation. Koch’s writing is difficult yet rewarding in the ability to make you think long after the story is over.

“The Fruit of a Barren Tree” by Sam Richard

The final story in this short collection is by Splatterpunk Award-winning author Sam Richard. Most of his writing is saturated with grief and loss, but he has a way of writing that makes us feel all of the things the characters are feeling. This is the most somber story in the collection, and a great way to end the anthology. 

As a whole, if you have read any of these authors or any of the books published by WeirdPunk Books, Beautiful/Grotesque fits right in with the rest. If you have not read these authors before, I can say that this is a great representation of the types of stories that they tell. Sam Richard has said before that he is going to be working on more short anthologies like this, and if he continues gathering stories with this level of quality, he will continue to find success as one of the premiere indie publishers of great horror.

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Review: The Last House on Needless Street by Catriona Ward

Posted on April 16, 2021 by ghostvillehero
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Buy it here: Amazon, Bookshop

Synopsis:

This is the story of a serial killer. A stolen child. Revenge. Death. And an ordinary house at the end of an ordinary street.

All these things are true. And yet they are all lies…

You think you know what’s inside the last house on Needless Street. You think you’ve read this story before. That’s where you’re wrong.

In the dark forest at the end of Needless Street, lies something buried. But it’s not what you think…

Review:

When I started this novel,  I did not really know what I was getting into. (This happens most of the time with me. I rarely read synopsis, reviews, or blurbs until I am halfway through any book. I decide what to read based on author, publisher, and sometimes cover design. Since The Last House on Needless Street is one of the flagship titles of Nightfire, a new horror imprint of Tor, I picked this up rather quickly.) I just knew the first line of the synopsis is, “This is the story of a serial killer.” When the first chapter is from the perspective of the serial killer, I knew that I was hooked. The voice of the Ted, from the very beginning sucked me into the story. Most readers of horror have a bit of an obsession about serial killers so for a novel to start from the perspective of a killer, instead of a cop or even a victim, is a gripping start. After reading further, the three main narrators, separated by chapters, are Ted, the killer, Dee, a woman who is looking for the man that killed her sister and has tracked the suspects down to Ted, and Olivia, Ted’s cat. Olivia’s chapters are almost feline but also insightful in a way that reflects the thoughts of what a cat might be like when they stare at you. 

The last house on Needless Street, Ted’s house, is boarded up, dark, dusty, and a little surreal. There are things in the house that hold memories that influence Ted’s behavior, and as a whole, it does not feel like there is anything concrete about the house, Ted’s life, and the story as a whole. Everything seems to be very slippery. Catriona Ward writes this is such a way that makes it as confusing for the reader sometimes as it is for the characters. There are some great passages that do not make much sense. There are details of the house that shift and change based on the narrator. There are events that change based on the perspective of the one telling the story, like to the point where sometimes one character is completely wrong about what just happened. Sometimes this story feels like a large puzzle that has been dumped on the floor, and we have to take the time to put it all together. 

If you are a reader that likes a straight forward plot and do not like being completely confused by the story, this probably is not the book for you. Fortunately many readers like the challenge of not really understanding everything that is going on, hoping that the ending reveals the whole picture. In the case of The Last House on Needless Street, this happens in a solid way, but there are so many nuances that Ward uses that this book begs to be reread. The first experience is mind-blowing, but the second could make this your favorite book of all time.

I have received an ARC from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 

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Review: Mother Maggot by Simon McHardy

Posted on April 14, 2021 by ghostvillehero
Mother Maggot

Buy it Here: Potter’s Grove Press, Godless.com

Synopsis:

After a fried-chicken-fuelled sex romp, Eddie embarks on a perverted odyssey. Murder, torture, geriatrics, bugs and big beautiful women all fail to satisfy him until he meets the Maggot Mother—a nymphomaniac, cannibal, human-maggot with a sweet side. On his trail is Cindy a beautiful cop with her own dark sexual perversions. WARNING: EXTREME SEXUAL HORROR AND VIOLENCE.

Review:

There has been a great amount of buzz and mystery about Mother Maggot since it came out. After being self-published, it disappeared from Amazon due to content. It returned on SmashWords, but was pulled in less than 24 hours for content. By the time this novella found a publisher, Potter’s Grove Press, there was a clamor to read this book. What is so horrible and grotesque about this book that caused it to have so many problems? 

With this as a backstory, I came into this novella expecting the worst. I was not disappointed, but I was not shocked. There are some very nasty, gross-out sex scenes. Every character is filled with sexual depravity and there is not one scene wasted. The entire story is over the top, filled with sex, violence, murder, blood, and maggots. 

This is one of those stories that I cannot recommend to everyone because there are some people who just will not appreciate this for what it is, a extremely graphic horror and sex story that tries very hard to gross people out. I think there are certain things that happen that detach me from the reality of the situation. Like there are many many books where the characters can be a neighbor down the street or even me. In Mother Maggot, the characters are more caricatures, killing each other, having deviant sex and unhealthy relationships, and at the end of the day, the story is more funny and entertaining than serious. This ability to disconnect, to make this more about entertainment than about the story sucking me in and making me feel for these characters, is what makes Mother Maggot a story that I say must be read by anyone who dares. This is something disgusting about every single one of the characters, but the style of the book keeps these characters on the page and not someone that you honestly feel like you could meet on the street on any given day. 

After all of the hype of Mother Maggot, I will say that it meets the expectations. The story is graphic. The story is disgusting. There are some scenes that made me cringe, but as a whole, there is nothing about this novella that says that it should not be read. There is no reason why it should have been de-platformed from Amazon or SmashWords, but it is definitely a book that you should read at your own risk. 

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Review: Unfortunates by Leo X. Robertson

Posted on April 5, 2021 by ghostvillehero

Unfortunates by [Leo X. Robertson]

Tentative release date: June 24, 2021

Preorder it here: Amazon

Synopsis:

In this collection of stories a sadistic blogger gleefully documents the murders of Hollywood celebrities. A journalist infiltrates a sex club for the physically impaired, finding he has more in common with them than he first assumed. A soon-to-be-dad gets seduced by a water spirit, which questions everything he thought he could impart as a father. And a primary school teacher meets his most difficult class yet: a horde of undead children.
In these stories, ordinary people must confront their biggest flaws and deepest fears in worlds eerily similar to our own. Because the worst horrors are the real ones we create for ourselves.

Review:

Unnerving Books and Leo X Robertson have had a long history together, starting in 2017 with their release of his novelette, Bonespin Slipcase. After the success of the Unnerving’s Rewind or Die series of novellas (every single one of them worth reading), they are set to release Robertson’s short story collection Unfortunates, and hopefully more readers will read it due to attention Unnerving is receiving for publishing great books.

Unfortunates is a collection of nine stories, all of them giving a different feel. Some of them, like “The Art is Absent” and “A Sensational Star-Studded Blood Feast!” push against the borders of extreme horror, whereas others range from revenge, serial killer mystery, and the title novella, “Unfortunates”, which could have been written into a Stephen King collection. Each of these stories bring variety, but there is a common thread through all of these stories. The main characters in each of them are haunted, are trying to find or escape from something, and whether it be revenge or smoking weed and playing video games, all of them are trying to find a solution. The mood of many of these stories and characters is heavy with grief, anger, and frustration. At the end of many of these stories, Robertson’s conclusions are more interested in the development of the character and heart than in jump scares and horror, and this makes Unfortunates one of those collections that should not be lumped into genre horror but will be. 

Of course there is some great horror in here as well. One story that sticks out is “Lackers” a reprint of his contribution from The New Flesh?: A Tribute to David Cronenberg. This story is about a report who is going to a secret sex club where everyone is deformed in some manner. The idea alone is enough to make me talk to my friends about it, but again, the heart of the story is about longing to belong and to be understood. 

All of these stories are impressive, and this collection is one that will make me seek out more of Leo X. Robertson’s works. He is definitely writing horror that is loaded with emotion and feeling, and when someone can make you cringe and make you empathize with the attacker at the same time, then this is writing that deserves our attention.

I received this as an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.   

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Review: Snowball by Gregory Bastianelli

Posted on March 31, 2021 by ghostvillehero

Buy it here: Amazon, Bookshop

Synopsis:

A group of motorists become stranded on a lonely stretch of highway during a Christmas Eve blizzard and fight for survival against an unnatural force in the storm. The gathered survivors realize a tenuous connection among them means it may not be a coincidence that they all ended up on this highway. An attempt to seek help leads a few of the travelers to a house in the woods where a twisted toymaker with a mystical snow globe is hell bent on playing deadly games with a group of people just trying to get home for the holidays.

Review:

There are certain situations that are frightening on premise alone. Snowball starts with a wreck during a blizzard that causes a backup on the highway. A backup of cars with occupants being trapped for the night. The idea of this happening in real life causes anxiety from the beginning. Add this to something strange happening in the winds of the blizzard, and the impending doom of nobody coming to rescue them, and I knew that this was going to be one of those novels that is riveting and bone-chilling. 

Snowball has a great story and the characters are each introduced in the first few chapters, but as the night gets later and the characters start to get closer, all meeting in a warm RV, you start to feel that most of this large cast of characters is fairly well developed and that you are stuck in the snow with them. In the first half of the book, one of the things that they do to pass the time is tell the memories of their worst winter, and each of them have a story, one that really adds depth to the psyche of the people stuck in this situation, deep in the snows of an impassable highway.

There are moments when you feel the cold winds and deep snow as they are going out to get more people or to try to figure out a way to free themselves. Gregory Bastianelli does a good job of creating the scene, making us feel the claustrophobia of being in the RV with several strangers while you do not know if any help is going to arrive. While they are passing time, telling stories, you start to feel the same sort of dread the characters must be feeling, like are they going to ever get out of this situation. 

The first half is a situational horror and the second half is a supernatural horror. I liked the first half better than the second, but I think the novel as a whole is pretty well done. The only character that feels a little two dimensional is Tucker, who is a truck driver and is referred to as big and heavy about thirty times once he becomes central to the story, but other than that, I enjoyed this novel and when next Christmas comes around, I will probably recommend it to all of my horror reading friends.

I received this as an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Review: Goblin by Josh Malerman

Posted on March 22, 2021 by ghostvillehero
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Preorder: Amazon Bookshop

Synopsis:

From the New York Times bestselling author of Bird Box and Malorie, a novella collection in which every story reveals a sinister secret about a mysterious small town

Goblin seems like any other ordinary small town. But with the master storyteller Josh Malerman as your tour guide, you’ll discover the secrets that hide behind its closed doors. These six novellas tell the story of a place where the rain is always falling, nighttime is always near, and your darkest fears and desires await. Welcome to Goblin. . . .

A Man in Slices: A man proves his “legendary love” to his girlfriend with a sacrifice even more daring than Vincent van Gogh’s–and sends her more than his heart.

Kamp: Walter Kamp is afraid of everything, but most afraid of being scared to death. As he sets traps around his home to catch the ghosts that haunt him, he learns that nothing is more terrifying than fear itself.

Happy Birthday, Hunter!: A famed big-game hunter is determined to capture–and kill–the ultimate prey: the mythic Great Owl who lives in Goblin’s dark forests. But this mysterious creature is not the only secret the woods are keeping.

Presto: All Peter wants is to be like his hero, Roman Emperor, the greatest magician in the world. When the famous magician comes to Goblin, Peter discovers that not all magic is just an illusion.

A Mix-Up at the Zoo: The new zookeeper feels a mysterious kinship with the animals in his care . . . and finds that his work is freeing dark forces inside him.

The Hedges: When his wife dies, a man builds a hedge maze so elaborate no one ever solves it–until a little girl resolves to be the first to find the mysteries that wait at its heart. 

Review:

Originally appeared at mysteryandsuspense.com

Josh Malerman has been growing in popularity in large part due to the success of the Netflix adaptation of his hit, Bird Box. Before he sold Bird Box to Ecco/Harper in 2014, he had 14 manuscripts he had finished but never tried to publish.

In the last six years, since the publication of Bird Box, he has published eight novels and three novellas. Goblin was actually one of these, published in 2017 by Earthling Publications as a 500 copy, numbered, special edition. Needless to say, those all sold out years ago. Technically this is a reissue by Random House, but this is also a reissue that needs to exist.

Goblin is a town in Michigan filled with mystery and wonder. It’s supposed to have been a town built on spoiled land. Goblin gets above-average rainfall, buries their dead standing up, has exotic owls and a witch in the North Woods, and is definitely haunted. Malerman breaks this book up into six different novellas with a prologue and epilogue bookend story, every story unfolds more and more about the town of Goblin as it tells the individual stories. Malerman does this in a fantastic way. The first story has the characters take a walk through town to give the readers an idea of the set up. The second story has a historian who tells the origins of the town. The third story tells about the mysterious North Woods, with the Great Owls and the Whispering Witch. The fifth story tells about the attractions at the Hardy Carroll Goblin Zoo, and the sixth story tells about Hedges, a labyrinth tourist attraction built with hedges like the maze at the Overlook Hotel in the film version of The Shining. Not only does every novella add to the myth and lore of Goblin, but they also tell some really great horror stories as well. I loved the tension that builds in every story, and there are a few stories, particularly “Kamp” and “The Hedges” where I had to hurry to read the final sentences so I could stop holding my breath.

The great thing about Goblin being a series of novellas instead of short stories, Malerman has time to make Goblin a town that feels like another character. There is not the urgency of a short story, but there is also the fact that most readers will not like every story but there is an eventual escape coming soon with an ending and the start of another completely different story. Most of these stories are riveting and push me to keep reading, but a few of them just do not fit as well into the collection as others. One of these is the fourth story, “Presto” about a magician that is coming into Goblin for a one-night performance. This story is great as a whole, the mystery of whether or not the magician’s magic is too good for anyone to figure out or if it is really magic, but it does not fit as well into the book as the others because it spends more time with the magician named Roman Emperor than it does with the people of the town. The way that all of the other stories add more to the mystery and history of the town, and the absence of that in this story, really puts a spotlight on this being missed.

As a whole, there are many people who will not want to read this because it is a series of novellas instead of a novel, but it does not feel like a typical short story collection. All the settings interweave, and at the end of this extraordinary book readers will understand Goblin is about a place and its people: a town filled with eccentrics, curses, and mystery.

I received this as an ARC from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

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Review: Boinking Bizarro edited by Danger Slater and Brian Asman

Posted on March 19, 2021 by ghostvillehero
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Buy it here:

Death’s Head Press, Amazon

Synopsis:

From the demented minds of Bizarro authors Danger Slater and Brian Asman comes Boinking Bizarro, an anthology of weird literary parodies. You’ve never seen the classics quite like this. We’ve taken that old, musty canon and dressed it up in lace, leather, and lipstick. Wowza!

In Boinking Bizarro, a glory hole attendant seeks to give his wife the family she deserves, a time-traveling professor gives blind poet John Donne a hand, a slick serial killer gets the tables turned on that ass, a PI delves into the mysterious goings-on at a whorehouse, the forgotten erotic ouevre of Alfred Horsecock is explored, a trip to Mars puts a cloned super-soldier in a seminally sticky situation, and how did they film the infamous orgy scene in that Stephan Kink clown movie, anyway? Dystopian futures, disaffected slang-spewing youth, sexy tortures, and rapidly-growing pubic hair abound!

Plus, Pinnochio’s big dick energy. Which is like this whole thing in and of itself.

If you’ve ever wanted to lose your virginity to the acrid scent of your mother’s burning corpse, this is the anthology you’ve been waiting for! And if not, get fucked.

Stories by:
Brian Asman
Danger Slater
John Wayne Comunale
Autumn Christian
Gina Ranalli
Betty Rocksteady
Christine Morgan
John Skipp
Whit Slorp
Cody Goodfellow
Chad Stroup
Charles Austin Muir
Michael Allen Rose
Max Booth III
Lucan Mangum
Chandler Morrison
Amy Vaughn
Jessica McHugh

“Literature is just porn without the honesty”–Charles Buttkowski

Review:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if someone made an anthology of stories stemming from sitting around with friend and making sex puns for every piece of classic literature and author name? Boinking Bizarro is this anthology.

Edited by bizarro heroes Danger Slater and Brian Asman, and published by Death’s Head Press, Boinking Bizarro is filled with every indie horror and bizarro author you should be reading. The concept of the anthology is a little ridiculous, but the execution is valid. Every single author is worth reading on his/her/their own merit. Like any anthology, there are some stories that I like more than others, but you can also see how each author brings their own individual style and voice to their piece. 

The digitial edition of this collection is about $5. This means that you only need five reasons to pick this up and read it. Here are five of the best stories that mean you should read it now (Even though these stories are worth much more than $1): 

  1. “A Bird Came Up My Walk and I Put It In My Vagina” by Emily Getta Dickinson, written by Amy Vaughn.

Amy Vaughn, one of the editors of Babou 691, gives an account of how Emily Getta Dickinson writes her poetry (It’s not what you think.) I think about this story more than any of the others and it makes me chuckle to myself throughout the day.

  1. “Nineteen Eighty-Fuck” by George Whorewell, written by Cody Goodfellow

This take on George Orwell’s classic, “1984” by award-winning author Cody Goodfellow, is almost a reverse of the original. I think I like this version better.

  1. “Whorehouse of Skeeves” by Clark Z Analewski, written by Chad Stroup

“House of Leaves” by Mark Z Danielewski is one of those memorable novels so I was interested in seeing what the author of a novel called, “Sexy Leper” would do with it. His idea is great and his homage to “House of Leaves” is spot on. 

  1. “The Man in the Iron Gimp-mask” by Alexhandjob Dumas, written by Christine Morgan 

This is probably one of the most complete stories in the anthology. Christine Morgan is a new author on my radar, and I will definitely be looking for more of her work.

  1. “A Clockwork Whoreange” by Antitty Pervness, written by Michael Allen Rose.

Michael Allen Rose pretty much retells the story of “A Clockwork Orange” in its entirety within six pages. The writing is skillful and honest to the original work. I will be preordering Michael Allen Rose’s newest book “Jurassichrist” when I finish this review.

These are five reasons to spend five dollars on this anthology, and really I do not even scratch the surface of the talent that grace the pages of this ridiculously deviant collection. You should probably just spend the extra $5 and get the paperback so that you can loan it to your friends when you’re done. You are simply a prude if you don’t buy it, and you don’t want to be a prude do you?

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